What defines you
If I could have told Leelah (Josh) Alcorn one thing before he killed himself on December 28, 2014—it would been that checking out early in the form of suicide accomplishes nothing. It changes nothing. You are now defined as a number—a mere statistic.
I read your suicide note. It sounded more like an "f-the world" note. Maybe no one ever told you this, but life isn't a walk in the park. Each and every generation grows up with something different. You would have been too little to remember a time when you could fly across the country without being strip-searched in security. Which would have made you about four years old when President George W. Bush declared war on Iraq. I was 17 years old and a junior in high school. By that point we had been at war with Afghanistan for almost 2 years. And kids, not much older than you were getting blown to pieces by IEDs.
The point? We all grew up with something different affecting ours lives and you can't go about life with an "f-the world" attitude.
Yes, your parents "totally" ruined your life when they pulled you out of public school and then took away your cell phone and internet privileges. I don't know why they did that—but it might have been to protect you. Why? Because they have also seen people at their worst. They know how kids react to someone who is seen as different by their peers. And you were different. The acceptance of gays/lesbians is still relatively new and not highly accepted everywhere. And the idea of being transgender is much harder to understand and a lot less likely to ever be accepted. I've never met someone who is transgender. So, I don't know what it is like to stand in your shoes.
But I do know what it was like to stand in my shoes. I know what it is like to be bullied. I know what it is like to be different then the other kids. I know what it is like to have a learning disability and to be ridiculed by both classmates and teachers. I know what it is like to not feel feminine. I know what it is like to have zero self confidence. I know what it is like to feel like I don't fit in.
Our shoes aren't so different. And I wish that someone you trusted could have told you that.
In your suicide note, you wanted your death to mean something. And that is what breaks my heart the most. It doesn't mean a thing. You didn't stick around long enough to make that difference—to be that change. Did you know that there are kids out there who know they have a death sentence? Who know that they won't get the chance to grow up? Yet instead of giving up or having an "f-the world" attitude—they have decided to change their world?
Change doesn't happen by checking out early. Had you stuck around you would have learned a few things. You would have learned that life is made up of experiences. Some are pleasant and others aren't. We learn from our mistakes and failures. That is how we grow. We are shaped by our experiences, but they don't define us. You would have learned that becoming who you are takes a lifetime of living to achieve.
And so—to the next child, teenager, or adult who has or is contemplating the thought of suicide—don't let the negative experiences of your life define who you are. Don't let the bullies of this world define you. Life is worth living and it is up to you to decide what it is that will ultimately will define you.
I read your suicide note. It sounded more like an "f-the world" note. Maybe no one ever told you this, but life isn't a walk in the park. Each and every generation grows up with something different. You would have been too little to remember a time when you could fly across the country without being strip-searched in security. Which would have made you about four years old when President George W. Bush declared war on Iraq. I was 17 years old and a junior in high school. By that point we had been at war with Afghanistan for almost 2 years. And kids, not much older than you were getting blown to pieces by IEDs.
The point? We all grew up with something different affecting ours lives and you can't go about life with an "f-the world" attitude.
Yes, your parents "totally" ruined your life when they pulled you out of public school and then took away your cell phone and internet privileges. I don't know why they did that—but it might have been to protect you. Why? Because they have also seen people at their worst. They know how kids react to someone who is seen as different by their peers. And you were different. The acceptance of gays/lesbians is still relatively new and not highly accepted everywhere. And the idea of being transgender is much harder to understand and a lot less likely to ever be accepted. I've never met someone who is transgender. So, I don't know what it is like to stand in your shoes.
But I do know what it was like to stand in my shoes. I know what it is like to be bullied. I know what it is like to be different then the other kids. I know what it is like to have a learning disability and to be ridiculed by both classmates and teachers. I know what it is like to not feel feminine. I know what it is like to have zero self confidence. I know what it is like to feel like I don't fit in.
Our shoes aren't so different. And I wish that someone you trusted could have told you that.
In your suicide note, you wanted your death to mean something. And that is what breaks my heart the most. It doesn't mean a thing. You didn't stick around long enough to make that difference—to be that change. Did you know that there are kids out there who know they have a death sentence? Who know that they won't get the chance to grow up? Yet instead of giving up or having an "f-the world" attitude—they have decided to change their world?
Change doesn't happen by checking out early. Had you stuck around you would have learned a few things. You would have learned that life is made up of experiences. Some are pleasant and others aren't. We learn from our mistakes and failures. That is how we grow. We are shaped by our experiences, but they don't define us. You would have learned that becoming who you are takes a lifetime of living to achieve.
And so—to the next child, teenager, or adult who has or is contemplating the thought of suicide—don't let the negative experiences of your life define who you are. Don't let the bullies of this world define you. Life is worth living and it is up to you to decide what it is that will ultimately will define you.
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