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Trauma

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photo credit: istockphoto.com The thing about trauma is that stuff you thought you had dealt with, has a way of finding its way back to the surface. The election results yesterday shattered something that had long been buried. I was back in that board room, getting screamed at by one of the marketing guys. The book cover I had designed had missed the mark. I was told later that he was having a bad day and I should cut him some slack. Because obviously, that is what mattered. Not the verbal abuse that I had just endured.  I left that meeting. Went back to my office, closed the door, and burst into tears. No one stopped him from unleashing his verbal assault. No one told him to leave the room and not come back until he cooled down. No one told him to apologize.  That day I learned, yet again, that women within our society (and especially the Adventist Church) were not valued. It was fine if we wanted to be secretaries or some other low level job. But we were supposed to stay small.  Yest
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This is my grief

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Copyright 2024 by Emily Bowen, all rights reserved The grief is strong like the death of a friend Today I mourn for what we have lost We failed our daughters and ourselves     We let hate win            But we are not going back  That is why I am allowing myself to grieve      Because I have already walked through this darkness          I have seen personally what happens when people put a man above God               I have felt the despair and the anguish I did not leave my former church because I wanted to      I was pushed out            By the pastor and those that supported him    The act of leaving cost me everything      It took away my church family           It took away friendships                It took away a sense of belonging And it left me feeling alone and broken I left because I was being emotionally and spiritually abused by the pastor of that church       My leaving triggered a lot of big feelings from people           I was told repeatedly that I needed to "fo
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Creative Trauma: College

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I studied Fine Art in college. And while I have a lot of really great memories and friendships from my years at Southern Adventist University. There are bits and pieces of creative trauma that have stuck with me over the years.  I spent a lot of my time at Southern figuring out where I fit in. I was more of a follower, than a leader. I didn't learn to stand up for myself until I was 25. A full year after I graduated from college. That's a big chunk of your life not knowing how to actually have a voice and set healthy boundaries for yourself.  I had learned at an early age that to survive in the school setting, you made yourself small and didn't disagree with your teachers on anything . Super unhealthy. I had been taught by the Adventist Church that women were to stay small. We were to become mothers and stay home to raise our children. We were to accept that our husbands were the head of the household and spiritual leader. If he ever treated us badly, it was because of some
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Hear Me: Closure

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"This is a time for healing deep emotional trauma. Situations you thought you cleared are coming up again for more awareness. Healing is done in layers. You have to continue to spiral through the same  emotional experiences until there is no energetic charge left to trigger you." — Unknown My blog post, Hear Me: Justice and Mercy , resulted in an outpouring of support from friends, family, and people I had never met. Each person had a story to share. And from their stories, I learned that I was not alone. In writing, I found a community. Had I not written, things would not have turned out the way that they did.  I am thankful for the closure that we eventually received and the new beginnings that have come our way.  Beauty out of ashes. 
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I'm Back!

I forgot my login. Rather embarrassing, I know.  I'll blame it on motherhood.  I started this blog back in 2006. Well, not this one exactly, but the login was created in 2006 when I was a student missionary in Pohnpei for 10 months. I think this one was started in 2008. Anyway, I wanted it back. I tried starting a different blog, but it just didn't click. I wanted this one. And so, I spent the last two hours figuring it all out. I even unearthed my old laptop computer to see if I had the login info on it. What mom has two hours to spend figuring out an email from when she was 21? Not many. But I compromised and allowed my kids to devour an entire box of off-brand fruit loops, while watching TV. Total win.  A lot has been happening the last four years, it's time to catch up! 
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Hear Me: Justice and Mercy

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The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.” [Isaiah 35:1-4] Isaiah 35 has been one of my favorite chapters in the Bible since I was in high school. I have always liked the visual narrative. Life after rain. Joy after victory. Be strong my child, do not fear—your God will come. He will come justly. Don’t fear, He has heard your cry. And He will save you.  Rereading over these verses are a much needed balm to my soul. Because lately, I haven’t felt heard. And that makes me feel so empty and sometimes even a
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