Friday, October 16, 2015

Mittens and Me

When your cat has been missing for over 72 hours, there comes a point when you have to admit to yourself that she isn't coming back. My husband and I are 90% sure that the cat seen dead along halfway blvd early Tuesday morning was in fact Mittens. There is, of course, no way to know for sure since the dead cat disappeared by midmorning. It is heartbreaking to not know for sure. It all comes down to which neighbor we want to believe. One is sure she saw Mittens alive, waiting at our door in the early morning light. The other is positive that the cat on the road was Mittens. And sadly, they both could be right.

I have 20 Lost Cat posters that I could put up in our neighborhood. But I am not sure I want to. I have known since Wednesday morning that there was a strong possibility that the dead cat seen on the road early Tuesday morning was Mittens. I'm just not sure that I want to hold out hope for something that isn't likely to happen. It isn't likely that Mittens will ever come home again. The last 3 days have been difficult—every shadow on the window, every slight cat like noise, every kitty item in the house—are all reminders of a precious cat who made life so much more interesting. And that knowledge hurts. It's an everyday battle. Do I dwell on the hurt or do I push past it?

Personally, I want to push past it. I want to clear away the kitty items. I want to vacuum the house—chasing down every last bit of cat hair. I want to erase all evidence of my kitty. The idea of doing so hurts so much that I haven't had the courage to start. But it is Friday. It is time to clean and I will just have to buckle down and do it. The trash can will be full of tissues by the time the house is clean, but at least the healing can start.

Why do I want to erase all trace of my beloved kitty—you may ask? Because I have a beautiful baby girl to take care of, to nurture and to grow. I am finding that I can't grieve the loss of Mittens and stay in the present. It is a type of multi-tasking that I just can't do. Yes, I am well aware that it was just a cat, but that cat was part of our family. She was my companion during the pregnancy. My snuggle buddy after hard days at work. My walking buddy on country roads. The kitty who brought me her "beloved" presents of rodents and bunnies. The kitty who disliked TLC, even though he loved her dearly. And she was the kitty who for the last 4 months has circled up close doing those early morning feedings.

I will always remember Mittens, just like I remember Keiko and Copper. For the time being, little TLC will be living with my parents in the country. It is safer out there for a cat you likes to wander. Besides, Oscar needs to loose weight.

Mittens made her mark in our hearts. She was greatly loved and will be greatly missed. Just a few pictures that made up her 3 years of life.

 Seriously mommy, why did you wait so long to get me my own bed?

 If a dog can wear a harness and take walks, so can I. (But I'll do it with more class)

 Perfect place for a catnap....zzzzzzzzz

 Seriously Oscar, that dog was SO annoying—you can have her back. Please never share her again.

 "I wuv you Mittens" says TLC....purrrrrrr!

These toys are mine, all mine. What??

Bath time. Worst part of the month. 

Let me in—its cold outside. Look at my face, do you think I am joking?